We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
