hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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