It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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