Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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