...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
