Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
