so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
