WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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