wakey wakey hands off snakey
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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