hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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