We won't sleep together?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
