i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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