I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
