fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
