woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
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Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize