Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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