What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
