I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
