Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
