Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
