i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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