remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
