Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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