i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
