I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
