Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
