I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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