Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
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