the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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