there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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