508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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