bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
