he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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