There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
