I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
