he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
