I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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