Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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