I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
