Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Betty ford says i'm here all night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
