She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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