I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
