It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think I won the penis lottery.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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