She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
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In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
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Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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