Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
