Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
