Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
