Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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