Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
