Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think my moral compass just broke
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