are you still at the devil's house?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
