Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
