I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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