I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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