Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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