shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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