And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
