that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You are a genius and a whore.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
