You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
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I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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