i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
