Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
