Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
