May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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