I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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