i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize