i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
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This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
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Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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