this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
