I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
