Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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